The decisions we make in our sex lives may have a direct impact on our entire life. For example: Do I use a condom or birth control just this once?
Since these decisions can be VERY important we have elected to include some thoughts, perspectives and videos here. We have attempted to organize these thoughts and concepts into a form that is generally understandable. This is not a comprehensive study, but some ideas to consider.
We make thousands of decisions a day. Most seem small or insignificant at the time. Some of those decisions cause us to:
- get out of bed now or not
- take a shower or not
- shave or not
- dress well or not
- eat breakfast or not
- got to work or not
- and the list goes on
If you look at each of these decisions, you can see how each causes different paths across just one morning:
- Not getting out of bed now: means you do not have time to eat breakfast – one decision removed.
- Still not getting out of bed now: means you do not have time to shave -one decision removed.
- Still not getting out of bed now: means you do not have time to find and get a decent set of clothes on.
What if: when you get to work you find out that you have an interview for a possible promotion.
So how do we make the right decisions? There is a lot of science around this questions with a number of different approaches. There are a few things that can help you make the right decisions:
- Having a clear mind. Many things can effect how clear our mind is like drugs. alcohol, stress, lack of sleep, etc. The clearer your mind the better the decision.
- Understand the situation/environment. A good decision in a Tight money environment might not be as good in a plentiful money situation. In the later situation the better decision might be a higher risk/return decision than in the more limited resource environment.
- Knowing all the facts. Seldom is it possible to know all the facts, but the more you do know the better the decision, to a point. Taking a little time to learn the more relevant facts is seldom bad. Be careful of information overload, stick to the most relevant information.
- Having a Direction. Many times a decision is presented, and even with a clear mind and knowing the facts, it is a 50/50 decision. Frequently having a direction or set of goals in life will sway the decision one way or the other.
- Managing your Emotions and Desires. Because “I want it” is seldom the grounds for a good decision. Because “that made me mad” is probably a worse reason for a decision. If heavy emotions or desire are involved, step back a little and try to get a clear mind and ensure you know all the facts. Then try to be subjective and balance your emotions/desires with your chosen direction. Statistically the worse decisions have been made in the heat of emotions or desires.
- Controlling Outside influences. Mom wants me to do this, Dad wants me to do this, the partner wants this. Understanding the outside influences and their motives is very important. If their motives match your own, you could be getting more facts or a different perspective on the decision. It might be worth while asking the outside influence to explain their position more.
- Give yourself Permission. Many times we are faced with decisions on something that we want, but do not believe that we have ‘permission’ to do it.
Most decisions have a fixed shelf life or window of opportunity. For example: if you are driving down the freeway and see brake lights flash on in front of you. If you do not decide to hit the brakes, or swerve to the side immediately, you are probably going to have a very different looking vehicle in a few moments. Thankfully, most of our decisions do not require that type response time. Most decisions have anywhere from a few minutes to a few days shelf life. If you do not make a decision within the time allowed, you are still making a decision. In that case you get the default result or a decision that someone else makes.
There is something called the “cycle of indecision”. This is when someone spends a great deal of time pondering a decision, frequently beyond the self life. Two types of people that do this a lot: The first is
- The deep thinker who tries to see and understand all the potential results for the decisions. While this very healthy to a point, it can get to be a psychosis which keeps this person from making any decision.
- The impresario who likes to keep all of his options open. This person feels that making a decision removes their options.
Because so many of the thousands of decisions we make in a day are insignificant, we can get it wrong from time to time. It seems to be part of the human condition that we seldom learn from the right decisions, but can from the wrong decisions. We can only learn from those decision if we take the time to do so.
We seldom know if a decision is life threatening until after the decision is made. That is why we try to make the right decision. If you don’t, then own it and learn from it.
I have discovered that you can take many hours watching great videos on decision making. The following are a few of the best videos to help with the big decisions, from a number of different perspectives