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One of the most important concepts of Tantra is that each person is personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual progress.
As many men experience performance anxiety, this is especially important to understand. Sometimes even the most skilled and sensitive Tantric lover cannot make his partner achieve orgasm, because that partner has not found the place in themselves that allows orgasmic release. Ecstasy (sexual or spiritual) has less to do with control and more to do with trust, surrender and letting go. Each person must learn this for themselves.
Sometimes there are psychological or cultural issues that even Tantric techniques cannot resolve. In this case, you need to recognize the issues and get professional help. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Western cultures have many taboos related to sexuality, sex and pleasure and those can be difficult to overcome.
You need to give yourself permission to enjoy sex
In the event that professional help is happening you can still enjoy much of the Tantric methods, such as:
- pleasing each other with the preparations
- touching and sensual massage
- dress up or down for each other
- serving and consuming of food and drink
- take on different personalities with costumes and masks
- play and laugh together
Many times this helps the healing process by bring joy back into the concept of sex and loving.